Control is a funny thing. We crave it, we love the idea of it, we hate to be under its influence, but we don’t mind being the one in charge.

Is control real, or is it only an illusion?

We seek control over our lives, money, family, social dynamics, and our future. We build up such anxiety about “being in control”, “taking charge”, or “losing it”. But did we have any to begin with? If we can pause for just a moment, take a deep breath, and stare into the uncomfortable reality, I postulate that our grasp on control may be far more limited than we wish to admit.

Okay, okay. Let's zoom out the scale of this. Imagine our universe. Scratch that, let's zoom back in and look at our beautiful planet. The Earth is spinning at 1,000 miles per hour at the equator, at the same time as orbiting our star at around 67,000 miles per hour. Our star/solar system moves through the galaxy at such astonishing speeds, eventually completing a galactic year in about 230 million Earth years (NASA, n.d.). In the cosmic sense, we are but small specks of anxiety meat made of star dust, standing on a rock that is zooming through space.

Does not appear that we have any ability to control space or the Earth, for that matter, in any meaningful way. The planet will be doing just fine, long after we are dead and gone. Earth doesn’t need humanity; we need her.

Yet, the desire remains. That desire for control has been the shaping force for all of human history. Our governments, leaders, corporations, and institutions all have, currently due, and will continue to plan and attempt to dominate the behavior of their subjects, customers, and members. They attempt this through physical force, economic pressures, and myriad forms of brainwashing or ideological indoctrination. History has repeatedly shown this too be true through the tragic consequences of authoritarian regimes, institutional corruption, consumer abuse, and many more. These attempts to control entire populations have time and time again, resulted in oppression creep, systemic mistrust, and mass violence. All in the name of control…

But why does that happen? Why do we let ourselves devolve into such creatures?

I think it is simple…

We, humanity, possess something so precious, so unique, that it can never be destroyed. No matter how hard we try to take it from each other:

Choice.

Even in small everyday examples, we see this principle at work. A dog may obey commands because of training, rewards, or affection, but the animal still makes the decision to comply. Incentives can guide behavior, but they cannot eliminate the underlying freedom to choose.

Psychologists often refer to this tension as the difference between external control and internal control. While we cannot control most external circumstances, we do retain influence over our own thoughts, decisions, and actions (Rotter, 1966).

This realization can be humbling.

The universe does not revolve around us, and neither do other people. What we truly control is far smaller than we imagine. But it is also far more important.

We control our reactions, decisions, and responses to the world around us.

When we are young, we often try to conquer the world.

When we grow wiser, we begin to understand that the real challenge is conquering ourselves.

And that challenge begins with awareness.